standard issue rant...(drunken l2icks0r! style)

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

cannot sleep... it doesn't matter how drunk I get any more... I have clarity even though I consumed a rather large amount of wine... for $6.99... 1.5L

can't really beat that... the wine hangover is so mild and nice... I think I will sleep all day.... nothing else to do really... I gorged on Taco Bell... haven't done that for a while...

now listening to some techno friend gave me via icq... decent... kind of hard but cool...

I could die now really... not much left to do... I don't think there is going to be much joy out of what is going to come next in my future... trying to think of a career path but nothing comes to mind... kind of scary really... will i die alone? what's the point now... I am running out of inspiration and motivation...I'm a lazy burnt out bastard....

will I ever get the girl? I suppose I am supposed to get the woman but I don't want one... I want a silly girl.... not much time left... not much to offer one of those anymore... looks are starting to fail.... don't really have much of a body anymore and even less of a mind... will I hermitize myself? refuse outside contact? will I outlive the rest of my family, what little is left?? probably...

maybe this whole exercise thing is some form of veiled mid-life crisis? I should probably be getting on my way of having one of those things but too bad I really don't care about that now... If I had the money I suppose I am supposed to buy the fast car...but I already had the fast car... And now it just sits in the garage as a remnant of my past life - cannot afford the gas for that ridiculous thing anyway...I've raced that thing and won...I would continue to win if I chose to race but it's empty...nothing left to prove...

I suppose I should get some kind of 900+cc sport bike and kill myself on it eh? I know I would crash if I got one...maybe that's why I won't buy one... or maybe it's time??? maybe it's the natural thing to do... I was chosen for an expert witness in a car accident... I had to review pictures of a dead person... strange really in that there was really not much blood and the guy had his eyes open but he was totally dead....if it weren't for the ridiculous body contortion you would think he wasy alive...but no...dead...and in a 240z no less.. haha!

Ever since my accident last August the 14th, 2003 I have been in perpetual pain...soreness etc... whats the deal yo? when is it going to stop? I have new bone growth interferring with muscular development which results in lots of pain...maybe I can get an operation and they can grind the excess bone away so it won't disturb the muscle? but then maybe it is futile because the bone will just grow back... Both of my pinky fingers or 5 digts in both right/left hand are fucked... need to get left pinky re-broke and reset so it lines up right...and the right one is ... man... too far gone so just leave it be...

Last summer...four fractures... suck! What will happen this summer? Five fractures? broke bones for the last three summers...bleah.... $16k in medical bills and I have no insurance! but who cares! I worked ye old system and got 82% payed for from charity... I would have actually had to pay more if I had insurance... oh well will get insurance this year anyway to make things easier...

Running out of cash... unemployment ran out a month ago... twill be a miracle if I can make it through May and June without getting a job...but why would I want to get a job...I'm a lazy bastard...

[R3C]

... perhaps you should stop talking about killing yourself. Or perhapX0rs I WILL have you committed...

... what could you possibly have to complain about. You haven't had to work in who knows how long (maybe that's the problem... lack of interaction.) You seem to have a limitless supply of wine. You are invited to hang out with friends all the time. You've had interactions with some women that I know of... wink wink... I know alll... You have a healthy dose of technology at your disposal, and automobiles... You live in an area rich with outdoor physical activity. You have a halfway decent brain. (If a little clouded most of the time.)

Maybe you should stop lifting as many heavy objects, get an easy job with normal hours, pick up a new automobile, and start hanging out more when your presence is requested. You might meet more people, ladies especially, and be less depressed and suicidal.

[enderzero]

[spidermonkey]

And drink more Monkeypick Ti Kuan Yin while you're at it!

[R3C]

... hit the Monqey Piq... It's good for you..

[spidermonkey]

And if you're going to drink 1.5L of wine, maybe you should drink it with some other monkeys... or mewkies.

[R3C]

... just has a hard time being un-altered. Which is another sign that he needs some distractions. Like hanging out, making money, meeting non-sweaty-oversized-object-lifters.

[spidermonkey]

We need an old van so that we could, on occasion, kidnap him, beat him with sticks, and then hang out for a while.

[R3C]

... acquiring a van.

[spidermonkey]

We need at least 3 people; One to drive and two to grab and beat with sticks.

[R3C]

... a fourth for holding. When not holding, perhaps some kicking.

Funny how I still punctuate phrases and sentence fragments as though they were full sentences. Perhaps that should go in the misuse thread.

[spidermonkey]

I think it's better than normal use.

[R3C]

... that we kidnap Rixler and make him play Minky Monkey until his eyes and ears bleed. In the back of a van of course. (Which brings me to Van Van Car)

[spidermonkey]

Vanvan car leads to joyful road. One could easily break an arm playing that.

Good new avatar, by the way.

[spidermonkey]

Remind me, next time I come over, to play joyful road.
I'm gonna get all the apples.
Then we should play Parasol Stars again.

[R3C]

... leads to Up and Down, which leads to Blomby Car...

Thanks, I got a few of them. I'm actually going to switch it to a slightly bigger one...

There...

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

I was sitting in my apt today and I realized...ever since I started working...uhm...every single day of my life has been worse than..the day before it...so that means that every..single day that you see me..that's on the worst day of my life...

[R3C]

Every day since you haven't been working has been the worst day of your life, or at least that is what you'd have us believe based on your incessant talk of suicide and death. You seriously were quite a bit happier and more fun (if a little more tired) when you worked. You don't need to go out and get some 90 hour a week no life having job. That would be ridiculous, and then yes, I would see where you were coming from. Get a testing job if you don't want to code. It's easy, you get paid relatively well, and you don't have to think about it once you go home. Get a 6 month Volt contract to see if you like it. Then you aren't tied to it. Or do something net related. You need exposure to regular humans. Humans aren't so bad when you actually interact with a decent set of them. If you had a regular assignment, then you wouldn't have to deal with stupid evangelists like Chris. You just go in, do some work and go home. You'd also be able to do fun stuff like fly somewhere tropical or something. Women and silly girls like to be flown places. That's an easy way to go have some fun. Both silly girls and women alike though, are not attracted to unemployed people who can't do much more than stay home and drink. Maybe that's not the way it should be, but that's the way it is. Some of the things you mention above, like getting the girl have requirements. Your "fading looks and brain" don't matter as much as you'd think. But you have to have other things in their place. A job, the ability to take her places, etc. etc. I don't think you'd post that kind of personal information, desire, etc. if you weren't looking for a little contructive criticizm or some help. Well, you're getting it. If you don't want to hear the answer, then it's best not to ask.

"... then you should cease asking scary questions." Jules Winfield - Pulp Fiction

[R3C]

... well then you've decided to be a bum... Because without residence and legal tender that's what you'll be...

Right now, you're just walking the Puget Sound area like a scaled down version of Cain from KungFu...

That's what will have to change before you can feel better about yourself. You used to go hang out with Kurt all the time I remember. You had fun many of those times. Then he started going down the same path you're starting to. How long before you lock yourself in your apt and answer the door with an assault rifle? How long before you drink your liver right out of your body?

See, he was never warned, and none of his friends (at least as far as you've mentioned) tried to talk to him about it before he got into that state. You've got people all over that like to hang out with you, and actually give a fuck what happens. So you have a bit of an advantage there. I'd take advantage of that fact.

It was just pure luck that you guys went and drug him to the hospital. There's a good chance that never would have happened.

Now cheer the fuck up, and get out of your house! We're going to make some food tonight, have a little wine, and hang out, so you're welcome to stop by if you want. You left all of your delicious fishes in the freezer, so perhaps we can grill some food or something. MonX0r and I were talking about making a wee trip to the store as well. Anyway, if you want to, get there around 6:00-6:30..

[spidermonkey]

Indeed. Coming over should be done by the 12icksor on the evening which I like to call tonight...

[R3C]

... of Doraemon... [TEE HEE HEE] I wonder what would happen if you put ears on him.

[R3C]

... we weren't speaking of Doraemon. We were speaking about Rixler being cool and coming over... or something...

[spidermonkey]

The thing is, he had ears at one time, but mice chewed them off.
This caused him to develop a fear and hatred of mice not unlike my feelings toward haw flakes.
And Rick should come over.
Or risk the loss of his ears.

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

"this isn't a for real suicide thing...this is probably one of those cry for help things." Marla Singer - Fight Club

"chicks dig dudes with money." Lawrence - Office Space

"well not all chicks." Peter Givens - Office Space



I just need money....I need to find someone to give me money...and lots of it...and they need to provide me with and house that I can sit on my ass all day in while they are out working to give me nice things, like a car, and take me to nice places... wait...Isn't that life like what so many women want/expect? I think they do! I know they do...many of them don't even really care about furthering their career - if they even have one in the first place...

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

I can't afford bullets!!!!

[R3C]

... tell you to further a career. I suggested a job. You don't have to have a woman move in with you. You don't have to provide them anything but a fun time. That other stuff doesn't come until a lot later. The thing you don't get is that you should just be out having fun with them. Don't worry about meeting someone that's going to put you in a situation like that. Just meet someone, take them out a lot (because that's how it works, like it or not,) and then take it easy. You don't need another L1 or L2 situation either. You need an M1 situation to happen repeatedly. Get a job, get some cash, go out with the ladies, have fun, and leave it at that. You don't need someone serious until you meet someone worth being serious about. You have a bad L1 taste left in your mouth. They aren't all like that. You don't need to provide them with anything but fun. And that's what they will provide you with. You have a slightly poor attitude as far as this goes. It's not necessary. L1 was a mistake. That happens. It happened to me minus the officiality (is that a word?) of it. Just don't make the same mistake. Simple as that. Now are you coming over or not?

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

I'll have to go siphon some gas from my neighbors big American car...he'll never know...hehe!

Heh, my dad gave me a siphoning hose for Christmas one year...can you beleive that? I'll finally put it to good use....


ok... need to go siphon...then clean shithole apt...then prepare clothes etc... for bench press competition... then can leave...

[R3C]

... sweaty pig-fest...

And don't arrive until around 6:30... Nobody will be there before 5:45.. I'll need some quick home setup time. Lauryn is coming over, and maybe one or two others. It'll basically be the ol' classic Thursday night.

[spidermonkey]

I think then that I'll bring one of those bottles of retsina I got the other day. I can't remember if I like it or not.
We will have to find out.

[R3C]

... I'll see you sometime post 6:00.