l2icks0r!...

[N3ur0n0saurusl2exs0r!!!]

after finishing an unknown count of bottles of beer - dozes off in front of the computer while trying to think of something to post...nothing comes and he awakens drowsy recognizing the stupidity and pathetic reality of just sitting in front of his computer waiting for any sort of insipration to use to post something on the lair...then falls asleep again...wakes up and in disgust mutters to himself, "ok now this is just plain stupid." as he gets up and walks over to his bedroom only to collapse in darkness on his most comfortable bed as happy as a drunkard could be. l2icks0r! begins to digest the day he had today...it is then when he realizes that a tiny smidgen of a microscopic inspiration has revealed itself to him in the fact that he didn't document the end of his drunken day...so he does it now....and wonders how many days in a row has it been that he has ended each day with drunkenness...and druggedness as well...it's been several in a row for sure...

(l2icks0r! shakes off teh sleeps and becomes a tad bit more focused and then enters a ponderous state)


Why do people drink?

Why do I drink?

For pleasure of course...but what kind of pleasure?

The pleasure that comes from feeling the effects of alcohol?

The pleasure that comes from tasting whatever alcohol one happens to be drinking?


I can't answer all of these questions...I can only talk about why I drink...maybe there are similarities within my reasoning that are shared by other drunkards?

I dunno...sometimes I need to get more out of control than I normally would if I didn't drink. And really it isn't completely indicative to alcohol - but alcohol is just one means to arriving at reliquishing control. There are many ways to get out of control though but unfortunately they all have their own unique consequences...maybe that's it? The risk of it all? Risking what can be risked by getting out of control? Putting yourself into a situation where you don't know what the outcome is going to be and thriving/enjoying that you will have to endure it and then do so and see how well you were able to cope with it. I guess I really feel like I can do anything, within reason of course, when I get myself into a situation where I am devoid of control. Is this escapism? It seems that the majority of anti-drug propaganda always talks about escapism but I don't know if I really understand or beleive in it. I know that I will always have to return to reality and that this is only a temporary thing so how can I get truly out of control? Entering into a state such as this though affords me with the ability to know what it feels like to not have any cares for anything which inspires total freedom. Maybe that's what it is? Freedom...from everything...yeah...that's it...Ultimately I want to be totally free from everything....but until then I can't drink enough, eat enough, sleep enough, or do enough to be satisfied...I have to explore my limitiations for everything with a certain degree of frequency...